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Strove to find a way to punch people in the face by using the Internet.

9/18/2003

DIARY OF INDIGNITIES
Sept. 18, 2003: Called up Alex Ulloa today and left this message on his machine:

"Hello, Dr. Alex? This is your patient, Patrick. I have a growth in my bottom that I want you to investigate with your speculum. And by speculum, I of course mean penis."

And a few weeks ago I left on that said, "Alex, it's a beautiful day. Go to the window and open it. Doesn't it look nice out there? Now take a deep breath. Really suck it in. Can you smell that? Doesn't it smell great? That's the smell of my genitals."

What the hell is wrong with me? What if his landlord or his mom or something hears that kind of talk? I'm a complete degenerate and need to be locked away from polite society for a very long time. Christ.

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