Strove to find a way to punch people in the face by using the Internet.


Looking at the big picture, Gainesville didn't get hit too bad — the winds were down to tropical-storm force, more or less, by the time the storm got here. But even the comparatively light pummeling did a number on us. We've got a thick tree canopy in this town, and the hurricane was so damn big and slow moving... We just got hammered for more than 24 hours. Falling branches and trees fucked up the local infrastructure but good, and shit seriously looked like Dawn of the Dead for a few days. Still, it wasn't anywhere near as bad as a lot of folks south of us got it, and I'm damn grateful the hardworking people at our local utilities company got my power cut back on as fast as they did. Anyway, these are just a few snaps from around my neighborhood. A lot of them came out strangely placid, considering the fucking scary-ass conditions I took 'em in... And there were plenty of scenes featuring more spectacular devastation around town, but I decided to leave that shit to the newspaper types and just document what it looked like on my block.

This was taken just as the winds were really starting to pick up... My power went out, and being a total dumbass I figured I'd amuse myself by running around out in the street, where all the falling trees and downed power lines were. It was pretty fucked up — trees and stuff were smashing down all around me, and the wind was pushing me around pretty hard, not to mention loud as shit. After a couple of close calls I figured I'd get away from the thickest part of the tree canopy, and ducked down this street... I was right next to this lone tree when that big-ass branch at the bottom fell down and scared the living hell out of me... I booked down to the end of the street, turned and snapped the pic, and then ran home. I know you'll be disappointed to hear that I didn't soil myself... Probably that was because I didn't have electricity, and all I had eaten all day was a can of garbonzo beans. Otherwise it would've been poo city for sure.

This was strange. After almost getting killed a few times during the afternoon, I retreated to the relative safety of my apartment, but by nightfall was bored enough to venture back out in the storm. I was a block away from some really big fallen trees what looked like a truck and a few guys working to clear the road. Assuming it was the city, I started walking down there to get some photos and see if I could help. A cop car pulled in to the other end of the street, and all of a sudden the truck starts hauling serious ass, zooming down toward me in reverse and dragging the tree in the pic — which wasn't small — from some chains. This huge muscle dude jumps out, screaming, "Go! Go! Fucking go!" and unhooks the tree, leaving it smack dab in the middle of the road. Then he jumps back in and they speed off. The cops had pulled somebody over and were totally ignoring all this. I was standing there going, "What the fuck? Were those guys... Tree poachers? Outlaw road-clearing vigilantes?" It was all pretty surreal. I mean, from what little I could make out it seemed like muscle dude and his buddy were being more helpful than nefarious.

Ever read in the paper about the one idiot who died during the storm, the one guy who went for a stroll and got his head punched in by a flying log or something? Ever wonder what that idiot looks like?

The morning after the worst of it. A little break between squall lines.

This big ol' salad came close to doin' me in the day before. Lucky I'm so nimble.

I walked up to get a closer look at this log, and after a minute noticed I was sharing an ankle-deep puddle with a downed power line. Seriously, how I managed to not die during all these weather shenanigans is a damned mystery. I reckon I may get another chance if that Ivan fucker decides to pay us a visit.

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