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Strove to find a way to punch people in the face by using the Internet.

9/12/2005

DIARY OF INDIGNITIES
I Have Cable
So after like three years or something of not watching any television I broke down and got cable. The digital kind, complete with one of them digital-recorder-fake-TIVO dealies. And it's awesome! I've been missing so much... Football, Iron Chef, The Daily Show, Letterman... Who knew Henry Rollins had a film show on IFC? Or that you could watch muay thai kickboxing at 2 a.m. on a Sunday? Or that the Travel Channel, of all damn channels, would rule it so hard? I mean, every third thing on the fucking Travel Channel is about hot dogs, or bigfoot, or BBQ. It's like they removed a piece of my brain, scraped off all the thoughts about naked titties and stuck it on TV. Just delightful.

Anyway, the point of all this is that you shouldn't hold your breath on me writing anything anytime soon. Frankly, TV has filled a giant gap in my life, and henceforth I will be turning my back on my friends, career, family, creative endeavors, etc. None of that stuff comes as close to fulfilling my needs and expectations for life as Dragonball Z, a compelling tale of goblins who fight in outer space.

Until I get off my ass and start writing again, here are some photos of me in the early 1980s, making really poor choices regarding grooming and fashion.

douche1
If you ever see a pic of a dude with Tony Hawk bangs, and he's dressed head to toe in black, and he's wearing a bolo tie, and that pic has been "artistically" doctored using colorful marker pens, you can bet on one thing:

Somewhere nearby, there is a Violent Femmes cassette.

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Bill Cosby used to own a fancy restaurant here in Gainesville.

douche3
I was having kind of an Echo & the Bunnymen moment, what can I say.

But what about the white jeans and black Members Only jacket Alex Stein is rocking, over there on the left? Timeless, like the best episodes of Knight Rider.

douche2
Here I am doing a sort of Ricky Schroeder thing, where I'm clean-cut and preppy enough not to make Grandma freak out, yet avant-garde and fashionable to the point where I'm saying, "Yes, I'd like to take a man's penis into my mouth and suck on it and roll it all around and then stick it into my butt."

To my right, Alex hits a pose that sets unprecedented standards for robust masculinity.

So that's it; those are the reasons God has made me bald.

You know, before digging up these snaps I'd totally blacked out on my whole love-bead period. What do you think was up with those? What was the motivation there?

Man.

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