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Strove to find a way to punch people in the face by using the Internet.

12/13/2005

DIARY OF INDIGNITIES
Shy, Sexy Robot
To: Netflix Customer Service
From: Patrick Hughes
Monday, Dec. 5, 2005 4:05 PM
Subject: Policies and Technical Help

Dear Netflix,

I seem to be missing about 200 movies from my queue. Is this the result of a new policy limiting its size? Is it a technical mistake? Is it something I did? How do I get them back?

Sincerely,
Patrick

To: Patrick Hughes
From: Netflix Customer Service
Thursday, Dec. 8, 2005 11:23 AM
Subject: Re: Policies and Technical Help NFLX ID: 1189919

Hello Patrick,

Thanks for your inquiry.

We truly apologize for any inconvenience.To rent a movie, browse around Netflix and click "Add". This title will then be added to your Rental Queue. There is no need to "check out" or "submit" your order. Titles will automatically ship from your Queue when available. Your Queue consists of 3 sections. The first section, "At Home" lists the DVDs that you currently have at home (or are in the mail to you). The second section "DVDs in Your Queue" is the list of DVDs that you have indicated you want shipped to you sometime in the future. The last section is "Saved", this section lists movies with either upcoming DVD release dates or no known DVD release dates. Shortly before a title is released, it will be removed from this section and added to the bottom of your Queue.

To change the order of the titles in your Queue, change the numbers in the left column, and click "Update Your Queue". There is also the option to move one title to the top of your Queue; to do this simply click the blue arrow to the right of the title. If you wish to remove a movie from your Rental Queue, check the "Remove" box (displayed as a red X) and then select "Update Your Queue." When you have watched a movie, return it and after we receive the title, we'll send you your next available movie in your queue. You do not have to wait to watch all the movies and send them back at once. Watch one, send it back and we'll send you the next available one.

If you have any further questions or concerns, please feel free to contact us.

Thanks,
Steven,
Netflix Customer Service

To: Steven, Netflix Customer Service
From: Patrick Hughes
Thursday, Dec. 8, 2005 2:17 PM
Subject: Re: Re: Policies and Technical Help NFLX ID: 1189919

Thanks, Steven. I guess. Or should I say, "Thanks for the automated response, customer-service robot?" Actually, I think at this point I've got the Netflix basics pretty well covered. I just wondered why one day I had 300+ films in my queue and the next day I had 51. The rest seem to have returned, for the time being, so it's not exactly crucial that I get a proper answer to my question at this point, if that's even possible. But I sure am going to be pissed if all the DVDs I added just up and disappear permanently.

To: Patrick Hughes
From: Cindy, Netflix Customer Service
Saturday, Dec. 10, 2005 10:51 PM
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Policies and Technical Help NFLX ID: 1189919

Hi Patrick,

Thanks for your inquiry.

Please be advised if you have added a bookmark to the "Add To Queue" page for this title, each time the bookmarked page is visited the title is added to the Rental Queue. Additionally, if you are returning to the "Add To Queue" page via a link already visited in the Address Bar of your browser, the same thing will occur. Please be sure to remove this bookmark from your "Favorites" and replace it with the Netflix homepage, www.netflix.com.

If you have any further questions or concerns, please feel free to contact us.

Thanks,
Cindy,
Netflix Customer Service

To: Cindy, Netflix Customer Service
From: Patrick Hughes
Sunday, Dec. 11, 2005 2:56 AM
Subject: RE: Re: Re: Policies and Technical Help NFLX ID: 1189919

Cindy! Thank you, that was very interesting information. You're a robot too, aren't you? And a very pretty robot, too, I bet! Not like that dry, distant Steven. I like pretty robots. I like you. Write back soon, OK?

Your friend,
Patrick

...Well, it's beeen a few days, but so far I haven't heard back from Cindy. Should I be worried? Naw, I bet it's just because she's shy. I kind of like that. Cindy's a shy, demure robot. Oh, but pretty. Helpful to the Netflix customers and pretty. So pretty. I can just tell. I wonder what she looks like?

rosie

Oh... Oh man. I'm going to go wack it until I chafe. Cindy, Cindy, Cindy.

* * * UPDATE * * *

From: Netflix Customer Service
To: Patrick Hughes
Wednesday, Dec. 14, 2005 11:14 AM
Subject: Re: RE: Re: Re: Policies and Technical Help NFLX ID: 1189919

Hello Patrick,

Thanks for your inquiry.

You may want to try occasionally logging out and then back in to refresh the
information in your queue if this problem ever happens again. Most times the
information will be recalled once refreshed unless you select to delete these
items.

To logout, click the "Sign Out" link displayed under your name in the drop down
menu on the Browse page. You may also sign out by selecting "Sign Out" located
next to your name on the Your Account page. Once you click on the phrase you
will be logged out of your account.


If you have any further questions or concerns, please feel free to contact us.

Thanks,
Robin N.,
Netflix Customer Service

...Hmmm, I reckon Robin N. actually might not be a robot. Although the single letter for a last name makes me suspect he or she is a clone. What do you think they did with Cindy? Shitcanned her for fraternizing with us meat peasants? Melted her down to help meet the high demand for Carmen Electra's Official Aerobic Striptease Workout DVDs? Fuck it, I was over her already anyway.

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